Let's Go Krogering!

Levi and I inadvertently landed ourselves at the grand re-opening of our neighborhood Kroger store this morning. We were both up at 6 a.m. so I figured we had nothing to lose, why not go to Kroger?! When we pulled into the parking lot I noticed the light poles were cloaked in red & white streamers. I chuckled to myself and thought, "It's waaaayyyy too soon to be decorating for Christmas." Then I saw the news crew, and the fire department, and the radio station, and the mobile mammogram van, and the local elks lodge. Boy was I confused! I generally park as far away as possible so I headed for the end of a row and noticed the parking lot was full! I looked at my dashboard clock. It wasn't even 8 a.m.! Then I saw it. On top of the building was a giant sign that said "Grand Opening!" Great. Levi and I walked into the foyer and every executive in the Kroger chain must have been there to greet us. We saw Chester the Cheetah and Levi got some free Cheetos. A live band was playing Christmas music and a little Jimmy Buffet on the side. Strange, I know. I had bananas, apples, cheese, and chili beans on my list so we headed to the produce section. The place looked pristine! It was clear that some poor stockboy had spent entirely too much time setting the produce. I felt bad collecting my apples and bananas! As we were walking to the dairy section all 150 Kroger execs at the front of the store started clapping. Probably dedicating their new store. Anyway, Levi clapped right along with them. He thought that was the greatest thing in the world! Maybe Kroger should recruit him! We were accosted by no less than 42 elves sampling everything from exotic cheeses to shrimp scampi before we finally made it to our boring gallon of milk. Finally, as we went to check out we walked past the Pillsbury Doughboy. I was really hoping Levi would poke his belly. That would have made my day, but the little beast was oblivious to all of it. We had the most personable customer service I've ever received short of shopping at my Target pharmacy. A woman in a suit and heals unloaded my groceries, two cashiers rang them out, a bagger loaded them and a fireman walked my cart through the see of people (And elves. Did I mention the elves?) in the foyer. When we finally got back to the car it felt like we had just escaped the zoo! Ironically, the whole encouter reminded me of Jungle Jims in Cincinnati. I think Levi is due for a serenade from Jungle Jim's Elvis!